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Urinal Etiquette | Modern Vintage Man

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Urinal Etiquette

I had a interesting situation this weekend.  Let me set the stage:

I was running to the bathroom at the movie theatre (because I can’t seem to not have a large coke zero) and entered the bathroom with no one else inside.  There were two urinals and a stall.  The urinals were the bowl shaped ones where they stick out from the wall and there was no wall partition between them.  (GASP), I know.  The closest to the wall was the “kid” friendly sized for “convenience.”  In this situation, I felt totally comfortable with selecting the adult size urinal thinking that any sane, rational man would select the stall if they walked in to my scenario.  Oh, how wrong I was.

A man walks in and goes straight to the stick-out-from-the-wall, awkwardly low placed urinal next to me and goes to town.  I don’t know how you were brought up good sir, but where I come from this is a breach of etiquette.  I would be lying that there wasn’t a part of me that wanted to slow clap his confidence, but confidence or not I knew this was no way to behave.  The proper thing to do in that scenario is either wait outside awkwardly or use the stall.  In the event you finish before I do, you go through the whole dog and pony show of turning on the water to make it seem like you washed your hands.

Scenes like these have become all to common in todays bathrooms.  Many men have lost sight of what the proper etiquette is in many situations.  They treat it like a savage wasteland where scenes like this are commonplace.

There are some very basic rules:

1. There needs to be at least a one space buffer zone or go to the stall.
2. Keep your eyes forward.
3. No talking.
4. At least pretend to wash your hands.
5. Act like you’ve been there before. (No groaning, I didn’t even think this needed to be an unwritten rule)

Luckily there is a game to help prepare you for the scenarios that you may encounter.  What other rules am I forgetting?

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